WHAT IN THE NAME OF FUCK

I picked up my overpriced underused phone and opened whatsapp. Goddamned whatsapp. I saw my ex’s dp a bitsrip that made no sense whatsoever. Her contact on my phone is, “Rhea. DO NOT TEXT”.  So i texted her and told her that i missed her.  She came online, saw it, started to type something but never sent it. So i sent another text told her i missed her again and lost all human dignity i had left in me.

I swore if she didn’t reply id delete the contact.

She didn’t. But then  i sent another one and she didn’t reply to that either.

And so i told her that me texting her was stupid and said goodbye. She didn’t even reply to that.

We were together for so long. We know each other to the core and still there is so much left unsaid. That’s stuff i wish i had said… Stuff i shouldnt have said but somehow all those things are gone and yes i am a hypocrite.. I guess..  I set so many rules on how to live my life and i always end up breaking them doing something stupid and half every fibre of my being for doing it.

I had promised myself i would never text her again. I swore i would retain some self esteem but well air happens and it happens quite a lot….
So you know what im gonna do everything in my power to not text her in the future but Wtf man….  How do u control that urge to talk to the person one last time. A person u spent so much time with.  A person that defined you for soo long.

I might hate her guts but still.  There’s this warm fuzzy feeling that makes me smile whenever i think of her…..

Maybe the reason i cant find someone new is because i haven’t really moved on… Maybe this whole one true love thing is true or maybe I’m just bored.

A very wise guy one said to me,  ” this world is a big bowl of ice cream. Cherish it slowly or ull get a brain freeze”

I never really got what he wanted to say but i guess i see it now… Its all about giving Thrings time. Believing in fare and hoping for the best…

So maybe roll number 133665 will have to wait. Maybe what i need is to actually move on. Before i ruin everything for a rebound.

-bhavya

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