Love. Its weird. Its when serotonin is released in our head which causes a lot of crazy shit to happen… And many people have experienced i for one haven’t been that lucky…. Thats my problem….. Ive never fallen in love. Ive been sure that i was… But when i think about those times… It was all about the chase…. Thats who i am… I love the chase… I walk into a room find the girl thats the mlst fucked up mentally and that us followed up by the chase. And that time is like the best 1 month of my life every time. And after that it goes downhill.. The truth is ive never really met anyone that was actually on my wavelength. No one that i could talk to without being fake or deceptive.
Today i told that girl i liked her she said she didn’t. And after that i told her i was gonna stop talking to her Nd now she hates me. That is what i dont get. How could my brain go from shes awesome to “meh”.. In just 2 minutes. Ive seen people cry when they get rejected or atleast feel a little sad. All i feel or pretend to feel is a sense of relief and i can go back to whatever i was doing earlier. Ive been in extremely longterm relationships and ive told my partners a billion times that i loved them. It wouldnt take Sherlock to figure out i lied.. Every single time except once. And the one time i actually meant it. It all crumbled down on me.
Maybe i haven’t really moved on yet… Maybe its not gonna happen soon. Maybe im not gonna fall in love for a looong time.
Whatever happens, i need to start going after the un damaged ones for a change….