Only ones who know

The red button towards the right got pressed . What followed was regret. And a hit on the redial and a familiar voice that mocked me and said the phone is switched off.

So  I woke up . I hated myself. I got ready. Started off to work. Texted her 7 times…. no reply.

I fudged up pretty bad … didnt I ?

I guess I did.

But I was hurt too … or was I ?

Idk.. its blurred now.

She replied.  Wow. She really did. She says we’ll talk later I have a class.

We talk on and off for a few more hours.

But there’s something cold. Somerhing that isnt very familiar. They were right someday the honeymoon phase will end . It should scare me that it has ended.  Somehow it doesn’t.

She’s there. Even if she hates me. Shes still there for me. I realise this. And I wonder if Ive finally found what I was always looking for . Then this light goes off in my head that says ya man. Shes it.

But Then the consciousness kicks in.

It says that I dont deserve her.

I shouldn’t have done that .fuck. why am I that weak. Why did I lie to her. How can I be like that.

Ive been apologising for it since the day began. But I will keep on doing it because I made her cold . I made her doubt me. I did what I promised myself I wouldnt do. And 2 words wont change what I did. But because thats all I can say. I will say it again. Until shes baxk to being her usual self.

Her being sad doesnt work.
My day isnt complete until she makes fun of me. Or cracks a joke or says something that makes me fall in love with her every other second.

It doesnt end till she says the 4 step good bye. It doesnt end till she tells me she loves me. It doesn’t and it can not end if she doesnt smile when I talk to her.

Anyways.

If youre reading this.
Im sorry .
I really am.
I love you.
Please. Tell me im an Idiot

-bhavya

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