The red button towards the right got pressed . What followed was regret. And a hit on the redial and a familiar voice that mocked me and said the phone is switched off.
So I woke up . I hated myself. I got ready. Started off to work. Texted her 7 times…. no reply.
I fudged up pretty bad … didnt I ?
I guess I did.
But I was hurt too … or was I ?
Idk.. its blurred now.
She replied. Wow. She really did. She says we’ll talk later I have a class.
We talk on and off for a few more hours.
But there’s something cold. Somerhing that isnt very familiar. They were right someday the honeymoon phase will end . It should scare me that it has ended. Somehow it doesn’t.
She’s there. Even if she hates me. Shes still there for me. I realise this. And I wonder if Ive finally found what I was always looking for . Then this light goes off in my head that says ya man. Shes it.
But Then the consciousness kicks in.
It says that I dont deserve her.
I shouldn’t have done that .fuck. why am I that weak. Why did I lie to her. How can I be like that.
Ive been apologising for it since the day began. But I will keep on doing it because I made her cold . I made her doubt me. I did what I promised myself I wouldnt do. And 2 words wont change what I did. But because thats all I can say. I will say it again. Until shes baxk to being her usual self.
Her being sad doesnt work.
My day isnt complete until she makes fun of me. Or cracks a joke or says something that makes me fall in love with her every other second.
It doesnt end till she says the 4 step good bye. It doesnt end till she tells me she loves me. It doesn’t and it can not end if she doesnt smile when I talk to her.
If youre reading this.
Im sorry .
I really am.
I love you.
Please. Tell me im an Idiot