Barry Trotter and the full bodied milk ( not at all connected to Harry Potter™®©)

Barry woke up in his dorm.
It was nearly Christmas and most of his classmated at Dog-warts school of wizardcrart and witchery had gone to their homes .

But barry was an orphan , who lived with his extended family . He remembered the days he used to spend living under the suitcase.
It seemed strange to him as to how he had spent so much time living under a suitcase.
Living under a staircase made so much more sense but he remembered his aunt putting him under a suitcase and stating that it was to avoid copyright infringement .

Barry trotter had many friends. But he missed his best friends Don measly and Hismoinee ranger.

He was amused at how weird their names sounded. Its almost like they were a pathetic joke about their actual names.

He went downstairs into the common room of the Grryfithmoore house. The room was empty. Everyone must be downstairs he assumed. He got dressed . His owl Badwig perched on his shoulder . He looked in the mirror and laughed he looked like a pirate.

He stared at his image a little longer
The scar on his forehead never seemed to be a pleasant sight. The little zig zag shaped scar resembled a lightning bolt. But it wasn’t truly
A lightning bolt , Barry assumed it was because of the evil copyright violation it might commit if it indeed was shaped like a true lightning bolt. Luckily readers cant see actual characters and have to believe whatever the writer throws at them.

He exited the common room . Behind him at the exit the thin lady sang weird songs about the dark ages. When “he who must not be mentioned , till the last chapter to preserve shock and horror ” ruled the community of magic along with his deaf eaters .

He was responsible for the scar.
The scar Barry had earned when his mother daffodil trotter sacrificed her life to save barry from lord Boulder-fort ” he who must not be mentioned , till the last chapter to preserve shock and horror “.

Bad memories .

He made his way to the great hall.
He saw the wrigglein house , the shavenpaw & the huff&puff house tables. He made his way to the Grryfithmoore table and ate breakfast. Soon he saw the headmaster Albus smartelwindow conferring with professor severus snail. Something must be up , he thought .

For a monday morning breakfast session at dog-warts this had been pretty mundane .
No murders , no conspiracy , no reports of a giant snake being spotted in the women’s washroom .

Barry liked the women’s washroom .
He liked it because it had been the place where he had saved don’s sister chinknee measly. Not because he was creepy .

The end of the year was dawning , barry thought it wouldnt be long before “he who must not be mentioned , till the last chapter to preserve shock and horror ” appeared for a grand battle that would push the plot forward a little but then again leave enough animosity to ensure a sequel was necessary.

But he knew nothing would happen till Don and Hismoinee were back as the grand finale needed Don’s comic relief and Hismoinee’s nerdy knowledge to solve the puzzle and finally beat “he who must not be mentioned , till the last chapter to preserve shock and horror ” .

Obviously he would return in the next book year , along with a few more minor characters that would turn into cannon fodder in the 7th year when he finally beats the great tyrant.

Barry was a bright student of magic but his grades were always falling short because apparently bringing balance to the forces of evil was much more important than his final exams.

He had a tough life .

He went to bagribs hut . It was empty .

He went back to his dorm room and slept so that the story would conveniently skip to Don and Hismoinee’s return .

Chapter 2.

Don and Hismoinee rushed to barry and told him all about how vegas had been .

Barry bit his lip as he saw his potential love interest drift away to his best friend .
He decided to take revenge and date chinknee instead.

Oh how many people would be disappointed by this narrative decision.

Don whispered in Hismoinee’s ear ,” has Barry gone bonkers ? He does realise hes saying this out loud . Right ?”
Hismoinee reminded him barry was the special one and hence his actions were somehow beneficial for the overall plot.

Don nodded in agreement and realised it was time for some comic relief , so he ate a fart flavoured jelly bean .

Barry wondered why someone would eat jelly beans of every flavour and why his favourite treat was a chocolate frog . A chocolate flavoured living frog.

The three friends attended all their classes together . They especially enjoyed the class where they made potions which could induce love , hate and even death in the person that drank it .
They all wondered why 13 year olds would be given access to such dangerous chemicals but it was magical so no one cared .

Barry never liked potions class because professor severus snail was a shady character that no one really knew a lot about , he remembered someone telling him that snail was his mothers friend and that his father used to bully snail around a lot and then stole snails best friend from him amd married her .

Barry wondered why snail hated him.

Barry realised that the end of the year was nearby . He knew his mortal enemy would come back for a battle a day before his exams .

Barry asked Hismoinee why Boulderfort hd no regard for his personal space and academics .
Hismoinee screeched that barry shouldn’t name him as this was the second chapter and also if barry asked questions like this no one would regard him as the chosen one. As the chosen one is supposed to know everything .

In the distance Don fell in a ditch that he himself had dug and filled with cow manure and the remains of his parents’s flying car .

Barry and Hismoinee laughed .
“Oh Don and his comic relief ” Hismoinee exclaimed while giggling .

Chapter 3.

Barry knew that This was it . He was coming .
He knew he needed no preparation as the prophecy and common sense shows that he would win .

His scar burnt up.
Don cracked a joke .
It started raining .
Some minor character taught Barry a lesson he would remember in the battle and win.
Chinknee and barry kissed .
Hismonee looked beautiful.

It was time that he faced Lord Boulderfort and lost some minor character and induced circumstances that would lead to the defence against the dark arts professor being switched.

And Lord Boulderfort came .

He landed from the skies right in front barry as barry waited for him in a creepy dungeon of which no one was allowed access to .

Boulderfort and his minions attacked Barry , Don and Hismoinee .

A warewolf , a dog and bagrib came to their rescue.

Boulderfort singlehandedly defeated all of them .

Barry lay there panting .

He was broken . Boulderfort saw his victory in reach and started giving an amusingly long and inappropriate speech about his backstory .

Barry heard the no nosed dark lord talking constantly without an audience .

He wondered how he smelled his food .

Barry barely got upto his feet and boulderfort stopped talking and put his wand to barry’s neck.

Barry was scared . What was happening how could boulderfort be winning . He saw Don trying to stand and then slip on a banana peel .

Boulderfort looked back at Don and laughed ,” this guy gets funnier by the year ” he said , with a tear in his eye .
Hismoinee screamed out the correct wand action for a disarming spell .
And Barry remembered the lesson that minor character had taught him about the power of friendship and how it could overcome anything .
He looked at his friends while boulderfort Laughed at Don .
He picked his wand up from the ground and disarmed Boulderfort .
Boulderfort lay on the ground defeated and escaped by transforming into a cloud of smoke .

Barry had obviously won , so he passed out , every one else just stood there and waited for help to arrive.

Epilogue .

Barry woke up in the doctors room and everyone was happy to see him wake up .
Don and hismoinee hugged him .

Barry realised his battle wasn’t over yet , boulderfot would be back and next time he would be much more dangerous .



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