See what I mean?
I have tried my hand at being the best person I could have ever been, I have tried my very best to try and become a person so separate from anything that could even remotely make me slip, to ruin anything even remotely related to this one little slice of perfection that I stole from the universe’s tight grip.
I have given it all for the sake of being a good man, I have given everything a guy can give for the sake of lying to myself about the little things. No, what they meant today was something much deeper than their cruel words. Even when what they meant today was really as shallow as a shower.
Every single time that shower rains down the pangs of anger on my naked skin, It shatters to the point where my whole life, all I am, all I will ever be is a little puddle on the ground struggling to maintain it’s shape as the rain keeps pouring in, trying it’s best to make me join the large aqueous body of universal regret and anger, make me conform back into where I came from. I pick myself up from that puddle everyday, I make sure I struggle as much as I possibly can everyday.
The universe fucking loves me, everything that I have ever wanted, I have gotten and as they say all great things in life come at a price, I can quite easily give them a one fingered salute to prove them wrong, the only price I ever paid was as important as that one chapter in my fourth grade English textbook about tigers and how pretty they are.
I have loved people and used things, I have met a bunch of paupers and a few kings, after every handshake with every alpha male, after every flirtatious glance with every prom queen of the landscape, with every breath I have taken after lying to someone and with every moment of happiness I have snatched away from someone, I feel kind of alright, to be very honest.
Maybe I deserve every pitfall and acidic rain drop, maybe that’s the price you have to pay for having everything you want, maybe I will never be happy with anything that I ever achieve, maybe my eyes will still wander as I sit face to face with my future wife, maybe there is no such thing as a soul mate, maybe it’s just one big lie Shahrukh Khan told me. This love that I chase brings down the rain, scratch that, it brings down the god damned pain. it’s close enough to do that, it’s close enough because I let it in, I’s the best thing in my world, it’s also responsible for all the little scars on my knees.
I was alone with lust on a table for a while, I was alone with love behind that table for a while. I took my blinders off and steadied my thoughts, I opened my eyes and let in the callousness of a casual movie shot.
Plot twist asshole!